Parents of La Mancha

As my kids grow up, I deepen my appreciation of the impact my parents had on me. I recently watched Man of La Mancha, a musical with Sophia Loren and Peter O’Toole, based on Miguel de Cervantes’ Don Quixote. I read that book when I was a kid, but I don’t think I understood its message until recently.

Now I get why this book is still read today, 400 years later. Don Quixote, though he is delusional, sees in people more than they see in themselves. He meets Aldonnza, a farm girl (and a player of the “oldest profession”) and, blinded by either love or insanity (probably both), he sees only a lady in her and treats her like one. He even goes as far as to call her by another name, Dulcinea.

She knows she doesn’t deserve this treatment. However, she begins to believe, and this belief transforms her into a different person – she aspires to be the person Don Quixote sees in her.

When I was growing up in Russia, as a student I rarely received a grade better than a C in either secondary school or even technical college. Teachers never believed in me; they thought I was a C student, and so I was. But my parents were like Don Quixote: they always saw a much greater person in me, though I rarely deserved it (they really had rich imaginations).

My mother passed away when I was eleven years old, but as I write this today, some 30-plus years later, I still remember how my mother had this incredible belief in me. My grades and other non-achievements gave her no reason for this blind faith. But she had it. And a year after we arrived in the United States, I overheard my father outside, talking with a neighbor, and he said, “Vitaliy, he’ll achieve anything he puts his mind to.”

It’s not my intention to sound self-congratulatory. My point is that if it was not for my parents’ faith in me and their constant encouragement, I’d still be what my teachers in Russia saw in me: very little. Now that I’m a father of three wonderful kids, I try to do the same for them. The little things we say to our kids really do matter!

I watched an interview recently with Masayoshi Son. Mr. Son is not a household name in the US, but he built one of the largest companies in Japan, SoftBank, absolutely from scratch. Here is what he said:

My father was always “brainwashing” me with praise. He’d say: “You are a genius.” “You are number one in Japan.” “There is no one better in your age group.” “You are the smartest. You are a big shot.” He kept saying that. Like he was brainwashing me for any silly little thing. Even before I started elementary school I started to think, maybe I am the real deal.

Every Friday, before we sit down to have dinner, my wife and I bless our kids. My wife, a very religious person, puts her hand on each child’s head and says a small prayer. I hug them and tell them how much I love them. I tell them that I know they’ll grow up to be great people, and they’ll be able to achieve anything they put their minds to – that they are special.